Selfie – A photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone or webcam and shared via social media. They are for vanity usually flattering and made to appear casual.

Who in the world, told the world that we would be taking pictures of ourselves and not to mention that this would become one of the most popular ways for people to show/state/showcase who & how they want the world to see them as.  Taking a selfie has probably become one of the most profound ways for a person to express or rather project how they feel about themselves. I am sure that many camera companies have been put to shame financially because who really needs them when you have your favorite “Samsung” or “iPhone” in pocket. Not to mention going to a photographer for a headshot!!!What for, when I can make magic wherever I go and at any time of the day.  This new craze of taking self-portraits has been mastered by little to kids all the way to the young at heart who are well over 50 years. Though their pictures are somewhat strange, they still manage to produce decent pictures for Facebook!!! It’s hilarious often when you see an older person taking a selfie. They generally have the phone too close to their face….” this is a laughable moment”, don’t get offended for anyone who does it.  You know that I am telling the truth.  They aren’t even as conscious about the place where they snap the picture. On the other hand, you have the middle agers (mid 20’s-40’s) who are extremely conscious about how and where their pics are taken.  They typically want to take a picture in an atmosphere where they can flex or show off what they are doing in the moment.  The background is usually nice (not unless they don’t have a good morning clue about appropriateness or they could care less about impressing those who will view their picture.)

The general purpose of the selfie is to project that “this is me”, “I’m a boss”, “I have money”, “I go to the best restaurant’s”, “Me and my friends are so happy”, “ Look and me and my bae”, “My kids are so great”, “I am smart”,  “I am really beautiful”, “I am flawless”, “I am the epitome of success”, “ I love myself so much”, “ I always have good days”, “Perfection”,  “I have the best clothes”, “ I am so deep”, “ I know all of the important people”, “I am most spiritual”, “I am always grinding”, oh my the list goes on forever and ever.  I am not saying that selfies are the devil, yet I am bringing attention to the fact that they are a harmless tool for conversation or creating a personal narrative going mad.

I personally enjoy like taking selfies. I totally enjoy the fact that I can take a picture of myself and totally be in control of the outcome of the projection that I share of myself to the world.  It’s funny how we totally have become obsessed with controlling the camera and typically despise when another must take a picture of us or us in a group. We immediately request that the picture be sent to us because we need to critique the picture, lighting, poses, etc.  If we aren’t in agreement with the outcome of the picture, we dare and almost present a sentencing of punishment to the photographer who may just release that picture to the social media medium of their choice.  We are hilarious.  Now, men aren’t necessarily as conscious about this as we are, but I am finding that many guys are just as passionate about this as women.   It’s quite laughable when you think about the time and energy that we put into taking this picture.  We set up our bedrooms like studios, we will hold up a bathroom stall forever, we sneak to take a picture or two at our desk at work, we are driving or sitting at red lights that have turned green while people are blowing at us to go, snapping a brief photo while sitting in church or whatever place of worship you may attend, turning dinner parties into private photo shoots (holding friends hostage until you finally approve that you are looking your best in the group photo), or even better….taking a selfie with a person of affluence/celebrity status. You really hit the jackpot then because then your self-worth in the eyes of others sky rockets (they have provided you a semblance of relevance). I am snickering to myself as I type because I am sure that most would like to disagree but it’s true. It is true.

Now my disclaimer is that I am not by any mean saying that taking selfies are bad, again I state, “I love a good selfie.” And to be perfectly honest, I am guilty of some of the many examples that I provided in my text about. The plight of the selfie however is the disillusionment that it provides the “self-you.”

Yes, I said it, the plight of the selfie.  They are seemingly harmless, right?… Right. Are you harming anyone? No. It’s just a freaking picture that one takes of themselves, right?… Of course.  Sounds like it’s safe and because its predominately you in the pictures, you aren’t bringing any harm to anyone remotely close to you. So just carry on why don’t you, or maybe you may want to take a closer look at this harmless tool gone mad!!!

Do you realize how much many of us are taking selfies? It’s like all day, literally every day. We are literally posting and pulling down pictures all day long from one social media site to the next. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumbler, Snapchat, websites, Vlogs, and the more.  And for those of us who have multiple accounts running simultaneously, we are literally setting up mini photo shoots all day long and well into the night, to ensure that we have the best picture to post. It’s almost insane that we keep up these shenanigans all day long and aren’t bothered or tired by it. We love it. We are somewhat obsessed over it to be honest.  We are obsessed with the fixation of presenting and re-presenting ourselves repeatedly in our most perfected way (if that is possible) for the gain of likes and prose over our external beauty and whatever we use as a prop in our selfie world to keep our audience entertained.  This just maybe a little crazy if you just think about it. Not to mention very dangerous for or rather unhealthy for the self-proclaimed 5-star photographer…” you”.  Walk with me….

If you spend all your time trying to create a picture of perfection all day long just so that you can upload it on a social media medium only to wait and anticipate or rather “provoke” a response from the world (your audience), what does that say about you?  Seriously, we spent a significant amount of time trying to conjure up or rather create a narrative of who or what we want to world to see or believe about us simply for their approval. That’s deep.  We say we aren’t doing it for the people, so who are we doing it for and for what purpose? Posting an aesthetically pleasing picture of oneself isn’t bad. Some of us have been blessed with an outward beauty and should never be apologetic for it.  However, the obsession of always trying to create a narrative of perfection with this selfie is the deceiver. It causes self-deception as well as deception to the audience.

For those of us who live for the selfie are always creating some since of an illusion for our audience. Selfies lie on a constant basis.  The narrative we create with our Pic•collage isn’t always so honest about our lives is it? Now, I am not saying that it’s our responsibility to divulge our most personal and sensitive issues or plights with the world (it’s really none of their business), and yet it’s superficial and deceitful to pretend like you are walking on water most days and moving mountains.  When you may be miserable, sad, frustrated, broke, insecure, hurt, sick, unsure, trifling, disappointed, devastated, ready to swallow a bottle of pills and check out, or so much more. I hope you get my drift…

Have you ever wanted to just post a picture that really showed how you really are feeling? You may have thought about it and then talked yourself out of it very quickly. Have you ever just been okay with the first picture that you took?… More than likely not (I’m laughing because I take at least 10 before I finally decide to post!!! The lighting must be right, my hair of course, the angle must be correct, and I might even play with a few filters to make sure that everything is as to perfection at best.  Sadly, I do this a lot but many of the times that I am posting, I am not so happy.  Some days I may be miserable as hell, agitated to high heavens, ready to drop both of my boys off to their dads and never look back, wanting to quit school (after I just posted one of my A’s on a paper I just got back from a professor), or even better… feeling quite ugly that day but still wanting to get a good picture for the day and deliver it as quickly as I can to Facebook.  It’s amazing how we can create what we want people to see and how we want them to see it.  We bare all, and yet we don’t.  “I want for you to see these wonderful things about myself, my family, my social life, my career, my travel, my spiritual life(#Iamatchurch), and so much more and then we hide our other hand that isn’t hold the phone behind our back with our ugly truths. Do what you like, but I think that is a quandary that I’d personally like to take myself out of permanently.  I have been challenged with sharing what I hide by only baring my good side in all my selfies.  I have been in this quandary for some years and have found it very hard to come up with a solution to fix my problem. It was always the decision of trying to fix the problem or make sure that my boys came first. Well, because I am a selfless mother, I constantly have to say no to my own needs to ensure that they have everything that they need to be successful. I recently was afforded the opportunity to go back to college so now there goes another financial challenge. I no longer work full-time because I am full-time student at the prestigious Spelman college, also working part-time at the YMCA and taking care of one son with a disability and another who is slightly struggling in school. I do all of this as a single mother.  I say all of this because if you see my pictures, you wouldn’t necessarily know this. Should you? Not necessarily, but it can give some credence to my platform discussion.

Selfies are cute, some quite stunning, and some are just fun and laughable when in your photo session. Pull out the selfie stick at the family dinners and large events to capture the energy in that space at that time.  Kiss your bae in a selfie (I will when I get one!!!).  You and your kids should make duck lips the next time you guys take one in the car while at the red light (not while driving!!) While you are living it up, live it up well but I challenge you to keep it 100 every once in a while. I dare you to take a picture on your not so photogenic side.  Take a selfie without make-up ladies. Can you take a picture of yourself when things aren’t going so well? I will take it a step further…how about decreasing the number of selfies that you take altogether. We have seen you probably in every angle and filter that a phone or social media medium will provide. I have some work to do myself you see. I admittedly are afraid of what people will say when I unveil the other side of me. See, I am in control of the selfie so I determine how, when, and what I want you to see. Some of us truly need to let the selfie die so that we can go about the business of living out our truth and fixing the things that we are hiding in the other hand that isn’t holding the phone.  It’s deep, that’s all that I can say.  With that, I ask you to consider to keep canvassing that thought.