Endure

verb

1. suffer (something painful or difficult) patiently.

synonyms: undergo, go through, live through, face, suffer, sustain

tolerate, bear, abide, to remain active for a long period of time, as well as its ability to resist, withstand, and recover from trauma.

• remain in existence; last. Lasting, long-lasting, abiding, durable, stable, steady, unfaltering, unwavering

 Pain, pain, go away… come again some other day.   This is personal for me, maybe it is for you also. When I think of the pain of my past or what I’m currently going through…I just want to throw in all of my towels and retreat.  Life just hasn’t been so easy for me. It’s been pretty hard, and I am not embellishing by far.  It’s the truth.  I am inclined to believe that some have just been dealt a hard hand and they have to work with just what they have in order to make life work for them. Everybody hasn’t made poor choices over and over again, sometimes you can seemingly do all of the “right” things and life still just goes left. 

You pray, you cry, you practice yoga, you meditate, you wear the right crystals around your neck, you burn all of the sage in the world, you fight, you curse people out, you take the medicines prescribed, you have the surgery, you change your diet, you exercise, you delete & block all of the toxic people you know, you mute the stories on social media to attempt to keep your mind clear of all the things that may distract you, you avail yourself to the process of going to therapy,  you go on vacay’s with the friends or your bae….you tried.  You really tried and when you tried something, it just didn’t seem to work out in your favor. And so then you are left with what?  You and your thorn.

Sometimes, we just have to suffer with a thing.  In the bible, there is a person who specifically called on God to remove (a thorn – a source of discomfort, annoyance, or difficulty) something from his life that would cause him to be weakened in an area that was unspoken in the text.  He says, that he requested 3 times that it would be removed from his life.  Yet instead of it being removed, it was explained to him that the power he needed would be maximized through his weakness. The God who he was praying to would give him more in order to endure the thorn that was apparently wearing him out. 

When we think of endurance, what comes to mind many times is athleticism. Those who play sports that require that the body be useful under strenuous conditions for long periods of time must be able to endure the pressure that is placed upon it.  Those individuals undergo training that requires much resistance which in time increases their strength and power.  They are able to go the distance for long periods of time and stay strong.

How long can you go the distance with your thorn?  How long can you stay strong while enduring the pain of the thorn which is a constant reminder that you are experiencing some fashion of pain?  Endurance isn’t necessarily applauded when others are looking at our lives and how we may be struggling with or through a situation or issue.  At some point, those closest to you will eventually frown upon the fact that you still have an issue, or that you still haven’t resolved the depression or pain that you may be feeling.  You begin to appear to be a weakened vessel who is can’t seem to find resolve for you pain.  Even if you have a disease or sickness that you can’t cure, people will walk with you for a time but even they become worn over your experience. It’s human nature. If they can’t fix you or find the antidote for your cure, they become numb to your pain.  I’ve been hard on myself to at times when I think…” you have been dealing with this crap for years”.  I too are embarrassed when I consider the length of time of some hellish paths that I have been forced to walk. But then…I have received a revelation about my ability to endure and just what that means. I was surprised by the definition of what the word endure really means.

You see, our perception of what is really happening to us is greatly affected by the truth when revealed to us.  To say that you have to endure pain, tragedies, illness and etc. can feel like you are making an agreement with life that you will live in a constant state of frustration, never experience happiness, and not experience peace of any kind.  This is not truth.

The truth about endurance is embedded in its meaning.  To endure means to be able to suffer patiently, to live through, face, sustain, to remain active for a long period of time, the ability to resist, recover from trauma,  to be durable, stable, unwavering, and to remain in existence.  Wow! I read these words and I immediately saw strength. I always associated my ability to endure as something more negative than positive.  Endurance only appealed to me as strength when conditioning the body. I never considered what the process of enduring did for the heart, mind, and the soul. 

If you have lasted through any type of trauma and are able to see it through, even with the affects that may linger after the trial, you are doing well. If you are able to see any setback through even though you may have lost everything in the fire but got out alive; you are doing well.  If you are living with a disease and you are still being treated for it year after year, and yet you are maintaining and taking care of yourself as best as possible with medical care; you are enduring a healing process.

The ability to not break under adversity and see it through for long periods of time, is an indicator that you are more stable than you give yourself credit for.  If perceived properly, your history with your thorn is surely strengthening you more than wearing you down.  “It” being in your life truly does foster strength and resistance. 

 Please let me be clear that I’m not promoting that we should struggle with things that we can correct in our lives. I am not selling the idea that we should glory in our struggles & issues. It is just how we perceive and use what has happened to us that strengthens.  Imagine how much pain an athlete must undergo when he or she is having to push through grueling work outs. They are in pain, they are frustrated, they are tired, and may even cry but they have to keep going until the workout is complete. It is not until they commit to the process of over and over and again that they begin to experience results. The benefits aren’t just the physical results but it is also mental. They are emotionally equipped to remain active for longer periods of time and tolerate the condition of their environment and however it affects the body.

Our lives are not our own. There are just some things that we completely don’t have any control over. You didn’t get to choose… your time of birth, who you were born to, whether or not you would have a disease that may cripple you for life, whether or not you have a predisposition for mental illness, whether or not you or someone you love would be diagnosed with cancer, if you will get laid off, if your spouse will leave you, and so forth.  Yet the fact remains that something will happen, things will perpetually happen to us and to those whom we love.  Life has a way of keeping us in basic training.  Basic training is a necessary training program of physical and mental preparation for service in the Army.  If we perceive this process as punishment, we will not mature and grow and be strengthened for the next opposing force that will eventually come before us. It’s important that we learn to be patient with our processes and learn to suffer patiently with some of the challenges are with us and before us.  Our ability to endure the processes, qualifies us as stable, unwavering, individuals. Endure, suffer patiently through the process. Knowing that as you remain, you are being strengthened. You will be more equipped to outlast whatever is coming next for you or for the person you love.  Endure and keep canvassing. 

Struggle –

have difficulty handling or coping with.

strive to achieve or attain something in the face of difficulty or resistance.

a determined effort under difficulties.

synonyms:  endeavor, striving, effort, exertion, labor; campaign, battle, crusade, drive, push.

As I was walking through the hospital lobby this morning, I didn’t know whether to tear up or just to immediately resolve that all will eventually be well.  The word struggle came to mind. I was thinking…”it appears that I am always in some form of a struggle in my life.” Just a little self-talk as I reflected on the former things that I had endured and the recent seemingly overwhelming challenges that I experience as a mom with a son with a neurodevelopmental disorder and unrelenting asthma.  It just doesn’t seem fair sometimes.  I tell you no lie, this has been my private and public struggle since I became aware of the fact that I was with child when I was embarking on my 2^nd year of college 18 years ago.  At that time of my life, struggle for me was truly an extreme difficulty of handling and coping with all the things that I carried on my plate of life.  I found it very hard to deal with all my son’s complexities and those of my own that I had not conquered; seeing that I was young and still learning who I was.  I, in the term, “struggled a lot.”  It can be difficult to deal with something or be forced to become the subject matter expert of something over night with no prior education of, or training of a thing that you are totally unfamiliar with.  It’s a daunting task.  People will have you thinking that its wrong to feel overwhelmed or unsure of your new-found assignment or assignments.  As the cliché’ goes, “The Struggle is Real.”  And just to let you know if you have never endured a trying time or two, struggling is real.  Life within itself is so super complex and depending on the lot that God gives you when you were born, which you have no rights to claim or remove, you may have inherited something that you may have to struggle with or over.  I must acknowledge that people are different and differently we all respond to trials, sickness, adversity, and setbacks and the more.  But it’s when the frequency of the challenges intensifies that then we see where struggling can more of a lingering challenge.  I am not sure when the idea of struggling became so taboo.  There is no way of being extremely well versed in all things and all types of situations. Life and the people whom live in it are way too complex to just understand.

In difficulty, one can learn many things.  To have to strive with someone, something, a hard trial, a difficult task, an assignment, finding a remedy to, contending for a trying relationship and the more can bring about the release of the hidden thing that can bring resolve, better understanding, peace, reasoning and beyond to one who may have been in a struggle for some time.  I can’t say it enough, that struggling isn’t altogether bad.  I think that people don’t like to identify with struggle because they relate it to a weakness or as being identified as one who is weak.  When you see someone, who is always seemingly downtrodden all the time and their confession is… “I’m just struggling”, you assume that they have just become complacent with their issue or rather the burdens that they may carry. You assume that they are just wallowing in their crap, their pain, their indecision, their poor decisions, and they just need to get up, leave it their and move on.  I’d like to talk to a few of those persons, well I have and it’s just not the case in many instances.  As I referred to earlier, the frequency of the challenges that a person endures can really affect how they perceive what they are going through.  I will say that how you struggle with something makes the difference. If I am persisting to move against something that is hard or getting in the way of where I need to be then my struggle isn’t negative. It’s one of the vehicles that I use to work against what is working against my effort to get to the next place.  It can be an extreme effort to endure and resist failure in the face of any type of adversity.

As for myself, when I think of myself and my various challenges, I do admittedly struggle. I struggle a lot to be completely transparent. Yet my struggle is something that I am so not ashamed of, not in the least.  I guess you can say that I may even sometimes boast in my struggle.  Struggle also denotes as a determined effort under difficulties.  Though I may experience many difficulties in my life, and though I often want to throw in the towel…I can’t.  I struggle with and against the challenges that I have in my life. I don’t equally go and create more trouble for myself and seek pity from others by not trying to find solid solutions for the things I can change.  I however know that there are somethings afflictions that I have been given specifically and I press toward the mark of not getting rid of them (they won’t all go away) but I look for the best suited solutions that will move me from one platform to the next.  Seeking the highest levels of resolve and peace in all things.  This process can be a struggle.  Most opposing forces, people, and entities aren’t about the business of just folding so that I can find the cure to my issues and eradicate all that gets in the way. So, it may be safe to say that the may have a struggle or two with or over a thing.  Many of the struggles that we face will more than likely be internal (with self). We will be forced to make intentional efforts to push against adversities in difficult times.  It’s in these times where we decide to cross over the threshold from victim to victor.  Struggles won’t be going anywhere, and we can coin or phrase our issues with cute names and post trendy and wordy posts to try to pretend as if we never face challenges, but we do.  We all struggle from a time or two and its okay. It’s just how we struggle that determines if it is taboo or with purpose. Victory is my portion and yours today; keep canvassing.

Selfie – A photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone or webcam and shared via social media. They are for vanity usually flattering and made to appear casual.

Who in the world, told the world that we would be taking pictures of ourselves and not to mention that this would become one of the most popular ways for people to show/state/showcase who & how they want the world to see them as.  Taking a selfie has probably become one of the most profound ways for a person to express or rather project how they feel about themselves. I am sure that many camera companies have been put to shame financially because who really needs them when you have your favorite “Samsung” or “iPhone” in pocket. Not to mention going to a photographer for a headshot!!!What for, when I can make magic wherever I go and at any time of the day.  This new craze of taking self-portraits has been mastered by little to kids all the way to the young at heart who are well over 50 years. Though their pictures are somewhat strange, they still manage to produce decent pictures for Facebook!!! It’s hilarious often when you see an older person taking a selfie. They generally have the phone too close to their face….” this is a laughable moment”, don’t get offended for anyone who does it.  You know that I am telling the truth.  They aren’t even as conscious about the place where they snap the picture. On the other hand, you have the middle agers (mid 20’s-40’s) who are extremely conscious about how and where their pics are taken.  They typically want to take a picture in an atmosphere where they can flex or show off what they are doing in the moment.  The background is usually nice (not unless they don’t have a good morning clue about appropriateness or they could care less about impressing those who will view their picture.)

The general purpose of the selfie is to project that “this is me”, “I’m a boss”, “I have money”, “I go to the best restaurant’s”, “Me and my friends are so happy”, “ Look and me and my bae”, “My kids are so great”, “I am smart”,  “I am really beautiful”, “I am flawless”, “I am the epitome of success”, “ I love myself so much”, “ I always have good days”, “Perfection”,  “I have the best clothes”, “ I am so deep”, “ I know all of the important people”, “I am most spiritual”, “I am always grinding”, oh my the list goes on forever and ever.  I am not saying that selfies are the devil, yet I am bringing attention to the fact that they are a harmless tool for conversation or creating a personal narrative going mad.

I personally enjoy like taking selfies. I totally enjoy the fact that I can take a picture of myself and totally be in control of the outcome of the projection that I share of myself to the world.  It’s funny how we totally have become obsessed with controlling the camera and typically despise when another must take a picture of us or us in a group. We immediately request that the picture be sent to us because we need to critique the picture, lighting, poses, etc.  If we aren’t in agreement with the outcome of the picture, we dare and almost present a sentencing of punishment to the photographer who may just release that picture to the social media medium of their choice.  We are hilarious.  Now, men aren’t necessarily as conscious about this as we are, but I am finding that many guys are just as passionate about this as women.   It’s quite laughable when you think about the time and energy that we put into taking this picture.  We set up our bedrooms like studios, we will hold up a bathroom stall forever, we sneak to take a picture or two at our desk at work, we are driving or sitting at red lights that have turned green while people are blowing at us to go, snapping a brief photo while sitting in church or whatever place of worship you may attend, turning dinner parties into private photo shoots (holding friends hostage until you finally approve that you are looking your best in the group photo), or even better….taking a selfie with a person of affluence/celebrity status. You really hit the jackpot then because then your self-worth in the eyes of others sky rockets (they have provided you a semblance of relevance). I am snickering to myself as I type because I am sure that most would like to disagree but it’s true. It is true.

Now my disclaimer is that I am not by any mean saying that taking selfies are bad, again I state, “I love a good selfie.” And to be perfectly honest, I am guilty of some of the many examples that I provided in my text about. The plight of the selfie however is the disillusionment that it provides the “self-you.”

Yes, I said it, the plight of the selfie.  They are seemingly harmless, right?… Right. Are you harming anyone? No. It’s just a freaking picture that one takes of themselves, right?… Of course.  Sounds like it’s safe and because its predominately you in the pictures, you aren’t bringing any harm to anyone remotely close to you. So just carry on why don’t you, or maybe you may want to take a closer look at this harmless tool gone mad!!!

Do you realize how much many of us are taking selfies? It’s like all day, literally every day. We are literally posting and pulling down pictures all day long from one social media site to the next. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumbler, Snapchat, websites, Vlogs, and the more.  And for those of us who have multiple accounts running simultaneously, we are literally setting up mini photo shoots all day long and well into the night, to ensure that we have the best picture to post. It’s almost insane that we keep up these shenanigans all day long and aren’t bothered or tired by it. We love it. We are somewhat obsessed over it to be honest.  We are obsessed with the fixation of presenting and re-presenting ourselves repeatedly in our most perfected way (if that is possible) for the gain of likes and prose over our external beauty and whatever we use as a prop in our selfie world to keep our audience entertained.  This just maybe a little crazy if you just think about it. Not to mention very dangerous for or rather unhealthy for the self-proclaimed 5-star photographer…” you”.  Walk with me….

If you spend all your time trying to create a picture of perfection all day long just so that you can upload it on a social media medium only to wait and anticipate or rather “provoke” a response from the world (your audience), what does that say about you?  Seriously, we spent a significant amount of time trying to conjure up or rather create a narrative of who or what we want to world to see or believe about us simply for their approval. That’s deep.  We say we aren’t doing it for the people, so who are we doing it for and for what purpose? Posting an aesthetically pleasing picture of oneself isn’t bad. Some of us have been blessed with an outward beauty and should never be apologetic for it.  However, the obsession of always trying to create a narrative of perfection with this selfie is the deceiver. It causes self-deception as well as deception to the audience.

For those of us who live for the selfie are always creating some since of an illusion for our audience. Selfies lie on a constant basis.  The narrative we create with our Pic•collage isn’t always so honest about our lives is it? Now, I am not saying that it’s our responsibility to divulge our most personal and sensitive issues or plights with the world (it’s really none of their business), and yet it’s superficial and deceitful to pretend like you are walking on water most days and moving mountains.  When you may be miserable, sad, frustrated, broke, insecure, hurt, sick, unsure, trifling, disappointed, devastated, ready to swallow a bottle of pills and check out, or so much more. I hope you get my drift…

Have you ever wanted to just post a picture that really showed how you really are feeling? You may have thought about it and then talked yourself out of it very quickly. Have you ever just been okay with the first picture that you took?… More than likely not (I’m laughing because I take at least 10 before I finally decide to post!!! The lighting must be right, my hair of course, the angle must be correct, and I might even play with a few filters to make sure that everything is as to perfection at best.  Sadly, I do this a lot but many of the times that I am posting, I am not so happy.  Some days I may be miserable as hell, agitated to high heavens, ready to drop both of my boys off to their dads and never look back, wanting to quit school (after I just posted one of my A’s on a paper I just got back from a professor), or even better… feeling quite ugly that day but still wanting to get a good picture for the day and deliver it as quickly as I can to Facebook.  It’s amazing how we can create what we want people to see and how we want them to see it.  We bare all, and yet we don’t.  “I want for you to see these wonderful things about myself, my family, my social life, my career, my travel, my spiritual life(#Iamatchurch), and so much more and then we hide our other hand that isn’t hold the phone behind our back with our ugly truths. Do what you like, but I think that is a quandary that I’d personally like to take myself out of permanently.  I have been challenged with sharing what I hide by only baring my good side in all my selfies.  I have been in this quandary for some years and have found it very hard to come up with a solution to fix my problem. It was always the decision of trying to fix the problem or make sure that my boys came first. Well, because I am a selfless mother, I constantly have to say no to my own needs to ensure that they have everything that they need to be successful. I recently was afforded the opportunity to go back to college so now there goes another financial challenge. I no longer work full-time because I am full-time student at the prestigious Spelman college, also working part-time at the YMCA and taking care of one son with a disability and another who is slightly struggling in school. I do all of this as a single mother.  I say all of this because if you see my pictures, you wouldn’t necessarily know this. Should you? Not necessarily, but it can give some credence to my platform discussion.

Selfies are cute, some quite stunning, and some are just fun and laughable when in your photo session. Pull out the selfie stick at the family dinners and large events to capture the energy in that space at that time.  Kiss your bae in a selfie (I will when I get one!!!).  You and your kids should make duck lips the next time you guys take one in the car while at the red light (not while driving!!) While you are living it up, live it up well but I challenge you to keep it 100 every once in a while. I dare you to take a picture on your not so photogenic side.  Take a selfie without make-up ladies. Can you take a picture of yourself when things aren’t going so well? I will take it a step further…how about decreasing the number of selfies that you take altogether. We have seen you probably in every angle and filter that a phone or social media medium will provide. I have some work to do myself you see. I admittedly are afraid of what people will say when I unveil the other side of me. See, I am in control of the selfie so I determine how, when, and what I want you to see. Some of us truly need to let the selfie die so that we can go about the business of living out our truth and fixing the things that we are hiding in the other hand that isn’t holding the phone.  It’s deep, that’s all that I can say.  With that, I ask you to consider to keep canvassing that thought.

Self-Compassion

Self- A person’s essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection (The examination or observation of one’s own mental and emotional processes).

Compassion –  sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it; mercy.  The feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering. To recognize the suffering of others, then take action to help.  A deep awareness of and sympathy for another’s suffering.

Synonyms- pity, sympathy, empathy, fellow feeling, care, concern, solicitude, sensitivity, warmth, love, tenderness, mercy, leniency, tolerance, kindness, humanity, charity.

Sitting on my bed at 648am in the morning, completely distracted by my cellphone, I’ve been up since about 230am trying to complete my FAFSA as well as my son’s, washing clothes, looking for colleges also for my son, considering the homework packet that I dread opening from my little one’s school (it is thick), and still thinking about the work that I will have to complete when I finally leave the house for work. Well at least I don’t have classes today, we are on break for two whole days. My honest preference is to close this laptop and lay it down for a few more hours, the last of hurricane Nate is rolling through Atlanta and it’s thundering and lightening.  I am so tired, I am soooo tired. I am worn honestly. Not to the point of burn out or unraveling, yet I am tired.

Do you have days like this? Are you tired? Are you worn out? Do you have a lot going on in your life? Is the job crazy? Working on that PHD and supporting a family? Are you a first-year student in college trying to take it all in? Let’s go a little deeper here…. Some of the things that I note are tough but we manage to make it through. For some, it is tougher than for others but as I said, we manage. But what about those of us who may be really struggling. The basics compounded with much more complex issues than that I’ve listed. What about trying to do all of that and being emotionally worn out? What about taking care of children by yourself, with no help, and living with depression? What about finding out that you have a terminal illness while you are in the prime of your life, not expecting to have to walk down a road of continuous surgeries and doctor’s appointments? What about losing your house? Being left by a spouse? What about being repeatedly rejected when all you want to do is be loved? Looking for a job now for the past year and it’s still not working out.  Find yourself at the hand of an abuser when you thought that you had

found the love of your life.  Both of your parents are dead and you have no family or not many friends; so, you spend most holidays alone.  Your child has a disability and they have never really established true friendships, so you watch them suffer in silence. You grew up without one of your parents.  You have always wanted a relationship with your father but he never has a shown any interest in having a relationship with you. You desire to have children but have yet to be successful in conceiving. You are reckless in our behavior and find yourself sleeping with man after man or vice versa because you have been repeatedly hurt or have deeper issues that you haven’t been able to get a handle of. You haven’t financially arrived and still are living from check to check. You have a child who has fallen into trouble and you wonder, was it something that I could have done better for them that their fate would be as is, you so desperately want to be married but you keep being overlooked and or disappointed.  Just to consider a few minor or major afflictions to consider.

Can we relate in anyway? Maybe none of the listed afflictions hit home, but you have one. There is something about your life that you may be able to identify with that you either classify as a dysfunction, dilemma, or a thorn in your side.  How do you feel about it?  Do you condemn yourself for every little thing that you do that isn’t correct? Do you overly frustrate yourself when others seem to have a problem with your dysfunction more than you do? Are you arbitrarily holding yourself to a standard that you just can’t keep right now?  I ask these questions because, we, or let me say I have a terrible way of being extremely understanding of others dysfunction or struggle and come home to the mirror and whip myself repeatedly over my own issues. For the most part, as human beings, we are sympathetic to the needs of others. We see a person who is down and out and we immediately look for aid to address their issue. We see a homeless person on the street and we start shuffling for change or a dollar or two to share.  If a friend is struggling with an issue we are there to console and provide words of encouragement to meet the situation.  We are motivated to take actions when we see the desperate needs of others and yet…we don’t quite exercise that same compassion for ourselves.  There is the word finally, compassion. We become “Compassion International” for everybody else but ourselves.  It’s not always the big things either. We do it in such subtle ways.  We want to volunteer for “Habitat for Humanity”, the “Food Bank”, church activities, sending money to “Go Fund Me Accounts”, making care packages for the homeless, volunteering at your child’s school, oh my God the list could go on forever.  But when do we truly exercise self-compassion. When do we ever look at ourselves as the projects that we take on to save the world for?

We’ve got needs, we have issues, we need ourselves.  We need ourselves and those who are closely attached to us need us and the energy that we pay forward so much.  Have you ever looked at yourself through the lenses of compassion? Are you conscious enough to scan yourself/your life and feel your distress? Firstly, and be totally honest with what you see that you need. I am not saying that we should pity ourselves in such a manner that we sit in stupor feeling sorry for self. But rather, acknowledging that we truly have deficits, and being willing to provide

solutions to meet our own needs as we so readily to for others.  We are delicate in nature and the fact that we turn into our own task masters, and work under self-induced duress, trying to operate like we don’t have problems is insane. It’s like holding yourself hostage or in bondage because your life isn’t perfect or because you have a problem.  We must practice mindful introspection.  If we can have a deep awareness of other persons issues, or pain. Surely, we can do the same for self.

I don’t know who told us that it wasn’t cool to care for yourself, but I am learning that it is one of the greatest lies told.  We have been taught so much about service to our fellow man that we totally have neglected ourselves. Notice I didn’t say that we have forgotten about ourselves.  Truth is we are constantly reminded by the salt that is added to our wounds day after day; but we liken to respond like things will just readjust or go back to its intended original form. Not so. The same kindness and warmth that we give strangers and friends is the same that we need to remain or become healthy emotionally and physically.  We must be kind to ourselves and not only that, we must exercise tolerance with the person we see in the mirror. I wonder about the countless number of persons who abruptly decided to take their lives because they were not patient enough with themselves.  They didn’t offer themselves any mercy over their struggles. We can’t become overwhelmed with ourselves just because outsiders have decided that it’s too much for them. We must extend compassion inwardly. We must go easy on our self.  We must be patient with our process, issues, struggles, short comings, adverse experiences that we didn’t directly bring upon ourselves and the more.

We like to win people over with our random acts of kindness of love. Mainly I think so because we are seeking the reciprocation of love and relationship. Yet we violate ourselves and look over our very natural needs to ensure that others are okay.

I am not saying that we won’t ever extend to others and still need a thing. We will find ourselves wiping tears from another’s eye while hold back ours. We will advocate on behalf of someone while needing someone to advocate on our behalf.  We will be a great friend to others, and not receive invites to dinners.  We will give money to the homeless and go home to barren pantries.

What I am challenging you to do is to take an overall scan of what you already know you need and exercise compassion upon yourself. Allow you to provide “you” a break. This can be emotionally, physically, mentally, and tangibly.   Go lite, go easy on yourself, be okay with alleviating yourself of ones suffering by not ignoring it, or coming up with the slogans like “sleep is for the weak”.  Compassion plays out as…I am so very tired, so I give myself the permission to go to freaking bed. Exercising self-compassion will allow you to provide “yourself with whatever you see that you need”.   Self-Compassion is not a display of weakness or self-pity; rather it is an act of love for self. Fall in love and keep canvassing.

Have you ever had a hard conversation with someone? That conversation where you confront or have been confronted by someone who typically has a vested interest in the other. You have struggled with something that truly needs to be addressed and you just can’t shake it anymore. You can’t dance around it, avoid it, dismiss it, pretend as if it isn’t as big as you think…it’s just right about that time when it can’t be allowed to go any further. The introduction of a hard conversation usually is provoked by you or the person whom you wish to address is completely fed up with business as usual. You are tired and just want to see that negative behavior disappear.

I have been there, so many times in my life. I am looking at the person with whom I have an issue with and I am so eager to see the issue that I have with them just go away, yet I am so apprehensive about approaching the situation. I am afraid. I am prematurely discouraged about what I think is going to happen with us, post our conversation. I want the problem to go and yet and I am not so eager to go straight to the source of where it is most likely coming from. Does this sound familiar to you at all? Have you ever struggled with the issue, even just the slightest? Of course, you have, you are human right…You know what you want, you are pretty clear about what the outcome could look like if you addressed the “pink elephant” in the room but you just can’t bring yourself to do it. You are typically afraid that at the end of it all you will be left with an issue on the table and an offended person sitting across from you refusing to own what’s on the table. That is slightly scary. Who wants to bring it all out only for there to be no resolve? No one. It feels like we are committing risky behavior when we step out on the limb to initiate a “hard conversation”. Though it may appeal to our senses as being most unfavorable; it is quite the opposite. Having a hard conversation is probably one of the most favorable experiences that one can have. The outcomes generally aren’t as bad as what we ruminated over for the length of time that it took for us to confront the dysfunction. We generally are uber relieved that we no longer must pretend that what was chaotic wasn’t. This keeps self-more honest than not and helps whomever you confront to be more authentic. It gets one closer to where they need to be within the relationship that they are currently seeking clarity; or allows for you to walk out the door of what may not be serving you well. These are just a few benefits to of having “courageous conversations” with others. It can really be a game changer in the relationships that we have with others. I’d like to raise the ante on this idea though and ask the thought provoking question…” Have you or are you willing to have Hard, Courageous conversations with yourself?”.

Yes, hard conversations with yourself. Have you ever really thought about the fact that we are so busy being consumed with nurturing relationships with others and forgetting about the relationship that we should have with ourselves. It is necessary. How is it that we are willing to be more vulnerable with others about our autonomy than with ourselves? It’s sick when you really think about it right…

Our self-governance being placed in the hand of a stranger. Not good. I am not stating that we should operate as a silo; that is a destructive way to live. I am however saying that no one should be able to touch you first, but you. Now, due to how a person lives out their life spiritually, this idea can be debatable. I am not here to debate that. Your creator should always have first access to your total being…mind, body, and spirit. That shall be your first governance. Outside of that realm, it’s you and you. I say all of this simply because we (individuals), I think… sometimes get lost in the idea of trying to get people straight or get them right, have these hard conversations with others, when actually sometimes (many times) should be initiating these conversations at home (with self). Argue with me if you will, but when you think about it, there’s some truth there.

Such as the clichés that say things like….” sweep around your own front door, before you sweeping around mine”, “don’t do me, do you”, “he was the one I compared all others to”, and so forth. There is something so real about looking inward and challenging self when you start slipping. It’s so much easier to see a fault in something, someone else, a situation, they may have truly served you wrong but we are typically last on the list when it time to do some confronting. I was about to interject that the reason for this is that we don’t see wrong within; but I beg to differ with my own first thought. I think that this may be quite the contrary. As hard as it is to confront a loved one about their indiscretions towards you; it’s probably harder to do with self. We innately protect ourselves from anything that we can see are here that we feel is intrusive from the exterior. But if it comes from within, we will find ourselves doing the same thing. That response is just as bad though, because we then turn inward, further, and look for ways to self soothe and pacify the issues within rather than to address them. This is so dangerous. No one, apart from our creator, truly knows what we struggle with from within. Self knows when we are goofing off miserably. No one but self knows when we are lying to world about our true abilities. We know, they don’t. It’s a game that we keep up with ourselves and it only brings about self-annihilation. Way to go, that’s not cool and I mean on any level.

It’s time, it is time to do some healthy confronting…. confronting self about those things that you know that you are doing wrong. It’s time to challenge self about those things that you have been procrastinating about. We like to let people know when they are falling about things that we feel they owe us with; yet we let ourselves off the hook every second. I am not saying that we shouldn’t extend grace to ourselves, but I am saying what I tell my teenage son everyday…” don’t hold others to a standard that you aren’t willing to keep yourself”. JS…. But really, it is time. I don’t care how perfect you think you are, or how well you find yourself doing in life, I don’t care if you have complete and executed all your short term and long term goals, you are human and you are missing the mark somewhere. And that’s okay too, I am not glorifying either side of the spectrum, yet I am saying…we all have a need to have a talk with self about who we really are.

When we make decision to do so, the benefits are endless and they won’t just bless you, they are going to bless anyone who crosses your path. Those in closer relationship with you will obviously be the direct beneficiaries of the hard work. Some of the benefits of self-avoidance, are the production of intimacy with yourself (you get to really know who you are), you develop a trust of your own voice ( many of us don’t trust ourselves as much as we trust the voice of others, typically due to the repeat failures or we just simply think that others are more right about us than we are), it truly helps us to stay more grounded and can help us see the reality in a thing ( that is if we aren’t too far into our heads – balance is key to this), and having hard conversations with self can aid in keeping our emotions in tact (we have to ask ourselves why we are doing what we are doing – and in doing so, many times we can see the irrationality of our decision making process before we are called out and embarrassed.

Hard conversations, whether with self, or others is key because we don’t want to fall into the practice of avoiding short-term discomfort for long term dysfunction in our lives. Hard conversations aren’t bad at all, it’s the undercurrent that it rides on or the platform that is used to uphold it. This will prove true with you and others and equally with yourself. If you come to yourself in a non-judgmental way only to try and discover the facts of why and how to fix; then you are only doing yourself a service of good. Make haste and began to audit the chaos that maybe surrounding or hovering over your life. Check out those relationships that your internal knowing keeps highlighting for you that something isn’t quite right these days. We may not have all the answers but we can sense when something is off. Just be real enough with yourself to do inventory before you become overzealous in your approach to go after those in your life and assert these “hard conversations”. Ensure that you reserve a meeting of the minds with self also. Keep growing, keep canvassing.

The Bottom Line

• Bottom Line – the most important part of something: the most important thing to consider,the final result or outcome, a company’s profits or losses.  The line at the bottom of a financial report that shows the net profit or loss; financial considerations (as cost or profit or loss), what is left after all is said and done.
• Bottom Line (business definition)-  The bottom line represents the number of sales dollars remaining, after all, operating expenses, interest, taxes and preferred stock dividends (but not common stock dividends) have been deducted from a company’s total revenue.

I wonder how many of you like me have found ourselves at the end of a thing and wondering secretly, internally, questioning ourselves with this thought “What’s the bottom line?” Now, I am sure, most assured that the question didn’t come out quite as I noted but I guarantee that this is how you were feeling if you decided to be remotely reflective.  We take our precious time and devote it to so many things daily. We give of ourselves liberally to jobs, occupations, volunteerism, duties (unassigned), friendships, love relationships, sexual exploits, abusive relationships, marriages (good & bad), long-term relationships, vocation’s, vacations, educations, continued educations, religions, religious vocations, commitments, and so much more.  We make extreme commitments in life which we typically don’t even consider. We walk into partnerships with persons whom we never truly get to know. We open our lives to individuals who are hardly worthy of us.  We spend our precious time on things & projects that may not be deserving, we yield more and more of ourselves to relationships in which we never see any return, we give, and we give, and we give, and we give.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving either. Giving is one of my strong suits for sure. There is a true blessing to the giving of your time, talents, and treasures in an effort to bless others. The rewards are never to be chased or looked for; they come by virtue of the selfless acts in motion.  The problem is identified when “whatever” is all said and done and we find that all was a loss and what we sowed renders absolutely no profit, and I mean none what so ever.  It really sucks when you realize that what you have devoted yourself to renders itself profitless.

The “Bottom Line”, the bottom line is just that. It is the outcome, the final result, the final observance and reality of the effort and resources that have been put into something and the actual proving of the waste and leftovers that you can see with the tangible eye.  The truth becomes the truth. I can imagine that the financial aspect of this rendering can be most painstaking for those who invest money and resources into businesses and people, hoping to make a profit for themselves. No one would wants to take everything that they had, only to invest it into a business or program that yields nothing.  That is stressful, painful, and most wasteful.

When the terminology dropped into my spirit, it caused me to make this relative to my current life situations and that’s when the light-bulb came on for me.  I immediately questioned myself about a few things that I have been dealing with in my personal life. I thought… “ at the end of it all April, What did you gain? Did you profit anything for the energy that you placed into that situation or friendship? What’s the most important thing left with me after I devoted myself, my life to this or that?  This left me feeling speechless. I had to admit to myself that I am not counting the costs to what I devote my body, my time, treasures, and gifts too.

When you consider the “bottom line” of anything, you are looking at how much you are using to make something happen, the maintenance of it, and what was the final gain from the investments you made towards it all. I questioned myself as I began writing because I truly don’t think that every experience will have the same bottom line. It can’t because you don’t use the same amount of resources and efforts to everything that you invest in.  I can, however, see the importance of this evaluation process as we navigate through our lives.  What a waste of time, effort, and deletion of personal energy from oneself when engaging in life situations and relationships and having not counted the cost. I give myself to a person, mind body and spirit, and at the end of the relationship…nothing. I make personal investments towards my future by pursuing certain levels of education, I take jobs that are seemingly great yet they drain me dry emotionally and physically, I participate in extra-curricular activities and volunteer for non-profits/companies and they yield no level of peace nor satisfaction for my soul.  I again am not saying that everything that we do will give us back 100% peace, joy, satisfaction, pleasure, a sense of completion, and so forth. Yet I am saying, when you do things that are to profit you and never see the return, it may be time to start asking the “hard” questions.  That’s what businesses have to do when they began to take inventory of their wins and losses.   They look at their net income (the companies total earnings or profits, income minus cost of goods, sold, expenses, and taxes), a company’s income after all expenses have been deducted from all earnings …It is the last line on the balance sheet showing profit or loss.  It’s the final result or income.

So, what’s the total profit or loss from the situations that you have given yourself over to? You have made some unspoken agreements with your life and haven’t fully acknowledged the costs that you would have to endure or bear. Some of these costs have put you in a place of disadvantage.  Some of these costs left you in debt financially and or emotionally. Some of these cost left you lonely, bitter, fearful, hurt, angry, wishing that you had never made the decision that ultimately brought you there.  The investments that you make when you decide to merge your world with that of others for the expectation of a greater good should be examined more closely. Not necessarily for error, for error is impossible to avoid. The examination should rather be your internal guide and protection from some of the unnecessary pain, pitfalls, agony, frustration, second guessing, misplacement, do-overs, losses, setbacks, aborts of promised gains, and the birth of unwanted fruit.  I have seen in the lives of others and definitely my own, where we have endured a hard road that we didn’t necessarily have travel. Some of our greatest pains were self-induced.  Does that mean that there is no recovery in these trials or defeats? No, there is always a window of recovery until death does you part with this world.  Yet, why subject yourself to recovery (the regaining of or possibility of regaining something lost or taken away).  Why would you align yourself to, join forces with, team up with, or rather come into agreement with anything, person, or situation in which you inevitably know will cause for you to lose those things that are most valuable to you. Business is a risk and you will take leaps and jumps for an anticipated greater gain with no true foreknowledge of what the future will hold. Yet with our precious lives, we will give forge our gifts, promises, desires, and acquisitions with those who have not remotely shown or proven that they have our best interests at heart….if any at all. The bottom line here is to ensure that we protect the most valuable investment that we will always have to bring to the table of our lives when making any decisions and agreements.  This most treasured yet devalued asset/ investment is “you”.  You are valuable, you are important, you are the most important portion of anything that you are a part of.  Make sure that at the end of it all you are salvageable. Make sure that you always secure your bottom line.  Until the next time, keep canvassing!

The Moment

Mo • ment, /mōmənt/ – a very brief period in time. An exact moment in time. An appropriate time for doing something, an opportunity. A particular stage in something’s development or in a course of events. Importance.
Origin (Latin) – Mōmentum; 1. movement, motion. 2. Change, revolution, disturbance. 3.Cause, circumstance, weight, influence.
I was frustrated today. I was really, really, frustrated today. It stemmed from the fact that I was mulling over an experience that I had the night before. I kept trying to retrace the event and kept reaching in my mind back for what had happened before. That is before today crept up and basically stole the memories from the day prior. I wrestled with it so badly because I kept thinking to myself, if I could have that moment back again, oh would I have handled it even differently. This happens to me all the time. I want yesterday’s experience to last forever. That is the pleasant ones of course. Are you guilty of this? Ever been guilty of this? We want a brief period to become eternal. We want opportunities to last forever and they can’t. They are windows that we get to walk thru, sit in, or glimpse out of.
As I wrestled with what I was feeling or wanting to feel again, I was questioned internally with the thought or rather challenged with the idea of how we take these moments in time way too lightly. We just rush right through them and treat them as if they are not special, rare, or random in a sense. We don’t appreciate each breath and space in time that we occupy. As if they owe us another chance. Not! Not even! Moments are defined as such; an exact moment in time. An exact cause, circumstance, movement, opportunity, a stage within the course of events, or even a disturbance or delay or some sort. The harsh reality is whether good or bad, moments in time cannot or shall not be avoided. They should be acknowledged and embraced. I am not saying that bad occurrences should be celebrated but they do to also accompany the good and inevitably can and will work for our good.
Why do we just rush through some of the most enjoyable times in our lives? I am not the subject matter expert on this but I have done it enough so that I think I may have an intelligent response to this question. I personally think that one reason may be because we feel entitled to things. We just expect and anticipate that because the sun shined today, that there shouldn’t be any rain tomorrow. Never…These opportunities that we are given each day are just that…opportunities for that moment right then and there.
Whether it be the opportunity to hug your kid when they run and extend their arms to you, enjoying dinner with a longtime friend, watching your child play sports for their school, being given the task to speak at work for a presentation, acknowledging the birth of your child, getting married, volunteering at your favorite non-profit, reading that acceptance letter from the school that you have been wanting to hear back from, spending time with your spouse, taking a destination trip with friends, playing with your kids or helping them with homework, having a conversation on the phone or in person with the guy or girl that you really are interested in, enjoying a date night, getting to know someone, going to visit a loved one at the hospital or at home who has been ill, taking on an extra assignment to serve at church or your place of worship, or maybe having sex with the person of your dreams.
Each description that I listed truly lasted for a brief period in time. We can’t extend time to recreate the feelings that we want to feel because it was so pleasurable for us and we can’t stunt time to avoid what we don’t like. It comes and goes. There’s an a ebb and flow of life that causes us to not be able to avoid or overindulge in momentary experiences. If we ever find ourselves trying to do either, we now know that we are practicing unhealthy behaviors.
Moments, moments are so precious. They are short, brief, stints in time where we get to be fully engaged in whatever we are doing. We get to allow ourselves the opportunity to feel everything that we are doing. We get to savor the good moments as we walk through them with full consciousness mind, body, and soul. We afford ourselves the opportunity to enjoy feeling, touching, seeing, smelling, that which brings us pleasure or meets our need in the moment. There will be an appreciation and sense of gratitude that comes with or exudes from a person who can appreciate the opportunity. They are blessings.
On the flip side, I cannot downplay or overlook the fact that every moment in life will not be enjoyable. With the good, there also lurks bad moments. Those moments seem to stick to our minds forever and they carry such a heavier weight than moments of pleasure. They happen, they will continue to happen and more importantly, they are unavoidable. It’s just what we do with them that makes the difference. Some of these unsavory moments are induced by things we have or haven’t done when there is sometimes no rhyme or reason for them to appear. Well, that’s what we think at first glance, and yet for every experience in life, it drives purpose home or closer to home. It is in the remembering that moments are fleeting and shall change, we can rest assured that we shall cycle back to a moment of happiness or joy too.
Moments, live in them. I mean live in them. Not only that, create them. We are creative powers that have the capability to create what we want to see. These are not per say tangible always. I’d like to create the winning ticket for a lottery ticket that could afford me millions for life but that’s not happening. I am speaking of things that I can’t necessarily put in my hands but I can construct with the power of my mind and imagination. If I want to feel love, I can create atmospheres where I get to be a part of, feel and experience, and share love. These are simple practices that won’t only just serve us but those around us. We are so self-centered, and just want everyone around us to make every experience, moment, and opportunity close to rock star status daily. Way to go…or not (I am being very sarcastic).
The moment/s that we experience or play a direct part in are so special to us and the people that are involved every day. They are one of a kind, never getting it back again, even if you tried to walk it out the same exact way down to the wire. It was specific to that day, that time, that hour, that minute, that second, and done. You can’t get them back so you surely shall consider making the most of what is happening when it’s going on. And when it’s those times that just don’t feel good, are downright awful, or catastrophic, just lean in. Pay attention and see what’s really going on. Tragedies aren’t moments, mountain top experiences aren’t moments either, moments are the brief time spans that these events take place. We just should train ourselves on how to move within them. Wake up, wake up, pay attention. If it was good to you or if you could provide that pleasure or joy for another in a moment, do it well. And if you have been hurt, side swiped or destroyed in one (a moment), know that they aren’t forever. Just thinking…keep canvassing.

Lay Your Burdens Down

I knew that I was feeling somewhat overwhelmed today. Pressures from the North, South, East, and West. I thought that I could just shake it off by the length of the day. I would try to listen to music, it does make me feel good, one of my greatest escapes by far. I attempted to watch one of my most favorite television shows today ( as a matter of fact, it have the series on DVD), it didn’t work. I still had everything on my brain that I went to sleep with last night. To be totally honest with self, I haven’t slept well in the last week or so. It’s just been building up, to tell the truth. I have talked to my God about it, well I have conversations with Him… I take that back. We don’t necessarily have conversations, I just tell Him all about it and then walk away to go handle all the things that I can’t really handle in the first place. You see, I think that I am handling it all. I show up right? I execute the work. I wake up and I take care of the kids every day. I get them off to school looking and smelling good with their nice clothes and haircuts. I make sure that the homework for the 6-year-old is placed neatly in the red folder. I want for his teacher to know that I am all over it!!! Yeah right. I don’t even read that stuff some nights. Looks fine to me is what I say to myself, he wrote his name on it. I am LOL’ing myself right now. I go to work nice and clean, dressed pretty well if I may say so myself. Some days are better than others but hey; better than some others. I get my work done without cursing everyone out who crosses my path wrong. I answer a hoard of emails all day that never ceases. I go to meeting after meeting, conference call after call. I manage to make a full day of this. I pick up the kids and try to cook, bathe, fuss at, re-direct a million times. Finally convince one that staying up to midnight isn’t good practice and convince the other again that bedtime is for everyone. I didn’t eat I think…Try to send a few text messages to friends because I need some adult attention. I crash, I think about bills, I think about responsibilities, I think about extra-curricular activities for the kids and for me. I want to go on a playdate!!! I do, I am single. Adult stimulation is good for me.
That’s a mouth full…That’s a mind full…That’s not even the half. We have bills, responsibilities, friendships to maintain, relationships with family members to engage, health concerns, emotional turmoil, political upheavals that affect everything about our lives, we worry about our children and their relationships, we are concerned about the safety of our children, we are concerned about the spike in crimes in our cities, we are faced with racial injustices, and so much more. And then there are the unspoken emotional pains, fears, anxieties, complexes, feelings of rejection, or pain and so much more. What a heavy weight that we carry from day to day…I am aware of the fact that all people are not walking through life feeling heavy and burdened down from day to day. Some people are generally happy with little to no worries from day to day. Some have great credit, great health, good jobs, happy children who rarely get into any trouble, living in great neighborhoods, living what some call the “LIFE”.
Here is the reality though…whether we like to admit to it or not…it doesn’t matter what socioeconomic background we come from, we all have burdens. Burdens, yes burdens. Burdens by definition are something you carry or withstand with much difficulty when used as a noun, and as the act of weighing down, overloading, or oppressing when used as a verb. Also, burdens are defined as something which is carried; a load. Or it is suggested to be something that is oppressive, trouble. I also discovered an old term in which the word burden refers to as “the freight of a ship; the carrying capacity of a ship”.
I personally don’t think that any person is exempt from feeling overloaded about life situations at times. Some more than others for sure; but there is no exemption. We all have been blessed with the capacity to carry heavy loads; whether it be for a short time, a season, or for the duration of the life that we live. Life happens to all who have it and are living it. Life happens to all who have it and are living it. Maybe because things are well with us today we can frown upon my accusation but I am not here to persuade you otherwise. I am here to remind you as I had to remind myself this day that for the burdens that we carry, we can lay them down. Burdens aren’t transferable so we will do ourselves an unfair injustice of thinking that we can tell someone about them or speak them in the atmosphere and they will just disappear. The work will look differently for each person because the loads are so unique. I think that one of the biggest issues is actually acknowledging that I was feeling weighed down by most of these burdens simultaneously. That is a problem. There is no way humanly possible to do this every day and not be negatively impacted by all of this weight. We have to get before our lives, acknowledge that these things are currently placing an insurmountable amount of weight on us. Some of our loads are lighter by virtue of a number of people that we have in our lives. A single person with no children will feel the pressures that a single person with children may have. This can be disputed too, the single person with no children may have a terminal illness which demands all of their income to manage their health. As I said earlier, each person has their own trials or burdens to entertain. My concerns for myself and others do we realize or have we come to the realization that we don’t have to try and manage these things. Loads are not easier to carry if we keep strategically moving them around in our lives. Loads are easier to carry when we lay some of them down. I am not by any means promoting that we cast our responsibilities on others or neglect them. I am saying that some things that we are feeling responsible for and managing should be taken off our backs and placed on the floor. We cannot be responsible for other people’s foolishness, poor decisions, decision-making period, or actions. Things like this should be laid aside on a daily basis. We rarely do that, though. We as move as I described earlier in the entry. We just carry, and carry, and carry, and carry until one day it hits us and we are already in overload. Or we do things like constantly watch the news and take on the weight of fear and concerns of the world that we can’t do a thing about. I am not saying that we can’t be changing agents in the communities and places where our lives call that we be. I am however saying that carrying worry for the world that you didn’t create nor the people in it will benefit you much at all. You will just be disturbed and extremely unnerved by the day to day foolery that takes place in the world. Lay your burdens down. Or better yet, trade your thought of what you consider as burdens for solutions to things that you thought were a weight to you. I am literally having to eat the words that I speak to you right now. Everything that feels like pressure, isn’t necessarily that. It may be things that you know you should have been or need to be doing with your life that you aren’t and therefore they take on the form of burdens. And then there are the things in your life that are your loads that are meant just for you to carry. You may have been blessed like me to be the parent of a child with a disability. What a weight that can be at times…but it isn’t something that you can just lay aside. These are those burdens that are not transferable that may be with you for a long time or a lifetime. We don’t choose this weights in our lives. Maybe you were born to a parent who abused drugs and now you deal with the emotional effects of having a parent who was dysfunctional. You can’t change that on your own necessarily. However, you can acknowledge the pressure of the effects that it may have or still have on you and get help and or the work to alleviate the pressure and pain. Lay your burdens down, I say, lay your burdens down. I am Christian and my faith teaches that we bear the burdens of each other. Well, no one can just transfer their pain or struggles to me but it is possible for me to help someone through their struggles and they can do the same for me. We can help anyone who stands in need of assistance. Maybe they just need a hug or a listening ear, friendship, romance, money, a smile, friendliness, hope, encouragement, silence, understanding, chastisement, redirection, lack of judgment, and so much more. Sometimes we just need to acknowledge first within ourselves that we are not perfect. We can’t just fix ourselves completely. We didn’t make ourselves so I am sure that we don’t have the keys to the mystery of perfection. We all have junk, we all have stuff, and we all have things that sometimes make us feel like the weight of the world is on our backs. It’s okay, though. We just need to be cognizant of the fact that these nuisances have come, will come, have come, and or are coming. Once we are aware that they are present; we can do whatever the necessary work is to lay them down.
I had to acknowledge mine today. I had been so busy trying to portray to the teachers and the co-workers, the church members, friends, and family that nothing is has got me bound that I just rearranged all of my big and little nuisances. I hadn’t done anything with them. Or better yet, I was just telling my God about them; I didn’t ask Him to take the load of the thing. In my faith, He tells His followers to give them to Him in exchange for His. He tells me that His burdens are lite. Oh, if I dared to listen and take heed. Well as for you and whatever you choose to believe; practically or physically, please lay your burdens down. If we don’t, they will eventually overwhelm or potentially destroy us. Until the next time; remember that answers await questions that are inevitable. Keep canvassing…

Lost…….by definition:

1. Unable to find one’s way; not knowing one’s whereabouts
2. Unable to be found
3. Very confused or insecure in great difficulties
4. Denoting something that has been taken away or cannot be recovered
5. (of time or an opportunity) not used advantageously ;wasted

Lose……by definition (past tense): lost

1. Be deprived of or cease to retain (something)
2. Cause (someone) to fail to gain or retain (something)
3. Be deprived of (a close relative or friend) through their death or as a result of the breaking off of a relationship
4. Waste or fail to take advantage of (time or an opportunity)
5. Become unable to find (something or someone)
6. Cease or become unable to follow (the right route)
7. Evade or shake off (a pursuer)

Have you ever felt lost? Have you ever not been able to find your way? Have you ever been in an unfamiliar place and found it difficult to reroute to a place of familiarity? Have you ever been in the same place and still couldn’t find your way? If you haven’t then you may just be lying to yourself. Some maybe more than others have experienced this feeling. It’s unavoidable. We just don’t know everything. We haven’t experienced everything. All things are new to use until we approach and experience it for ourselves. Most people are inclined to admit that they are lost. No one wants to admit that they are unaware. Spare yourself the embarrassment and become human with me right now….We all can identify with a few of the definitions that I listed above. I would like to humor myself and the listener who will be willing to become vulnerable with me briefly.

1. Unable to find one’s way; not knowing one’s whereabouts – Every time you get in that car and prepare to drive to a location that you have never been before; guess what….you just may have been lost. You had directions in your hand and or maybe TOM was guiding you all the way there, or even better your trusted bestie Google Maps was assuring you that the destination was only 5 feet away….I swear you didn’t have a freaking clue about where you were. You were lost. It’s okay….just by definition
2. Very confused or insecure in great difficulties – This may not be relative to all but it surely hits a home run for me and some others out there. Insecurity, no one likes saying this word. Let alone having to identify with it. To be absolutely unsure about with great difficulty. You aren’t confident about anything, you are not firmly or reliably fastened to a thing or yourself for that matter. When self isn’t reliable you can become confused instantly. There is no grounding. Has anyone ever felt this way remotely? It doesn’t have to be so extreme. But if you don’t know who you are then there is no internal channel to tune back into to find solace. Just a thought.
3. (Of time or an opportunity) not used advantageously; wasted – Who can’t relate to this definition? No one. All have wasted time, opportunity, resources, and so much more. We have all fill guilty and will again for not using what we have in the present wisely. It’s so easy to lose in this manner. It’s typically never intentional. We either are wandering in our way which is typically so innocent and by virtue become lost. Or we procrastinate because maybe we have become arrogant and feel that time and resources are due us because we exist and have an agenda and when we become ready to approach it; it (whatever “it” is should just be ready for us. We are a trip, we really are. Sometimes we cause others to lose when we operate in such a manner.
4. Be deprived of (a close relative or friend) through their death or as a result of the breaking off of a relationship – Whether or not we entertain family, we all were born into one so that means that we can’t be totally exempt from this definition. At some point in life we will lose a loved one to death (because it is inevitable). It’s one of the hardest aspects of loss that we will all be affected by. This is an aspect that we can’t manipulate by any means. Death is a loss that is irrevocable. We just have to learn how to manage the feelings that come along with not having someone who we love and cherish dearly. Even if it is someone that we man have not maintained a great relationship with; it still is hard to deal with. Let’s not forget also about lost in regards to the breaking off a relationship. That in of itself is a doozy. Haven’t we all had the pleasure of either breaking off a relationship or being the recipient of this action? Isn’t it the worst feeling ever!!!! It is such great lost when we lose a person to the end of a relationship. That disconnect can cause a person to feel lost. When we are disconnected from the familiar and left alone (which by no means is bad) may cause one to feel disoriented. Their life has been meshed with another for a significant amount of time and when left to self; the person seems to feel like they can’t find their way back to love, peace, fun, happiness, or the things that they once identified within their past relationship. These are feelings are when challenged can be brought back to a healthy space. Unfortunately, when these feelings are fresh and on the throne of our hearts and mind; they will have to go to war with the truth. That is the truth.
5. Become unable to find (something or someone) – Hey, have you ever lost your car or house keys? Well if so, you can identify with lost. I think we lose things every minute from the car keys, house keys, matching socks, passwords, the babies pacifier, documents that we saved in the wrong file, the cute guy of girls number you wrote on the receipt, business cards that we need to call that person that we really wanted to network with, homework, eyeglasses, you name it we do it.
6. Evade or shake off (a pursuer) – How many people are we trying to ensure that loses sight of us? Have you deleted your pursuers friend request on Facebook, or jumped on the elevator and pressed “close door” because he/or she was going to make it their business to ride 26 floors with you just to say hello. How about riding the bus or train and popping in those ear buds hoping that your pursuer will just stop trying to get your attention to hold that conversation you aren’t interested in entertaining. Sometimes it works and for the persistent who will not become the faint at heart; you will have to become for creative each time. What you want to really say is get lost….

It’s funny how when we first see a word we immediately either want to associate ourselves with it when it can seemingly make us look or feel important. On the other hand, we denounce anything that may carry a negative connotation or if may require that we become vulnerable. That’s the first feeling that I experienced when I considered that I felt lost. I was repulsed by the word when I thought about it as I sat alone in my room at my desk. I don’t know why, it was an honest feeling that should have caused no embarrassment. No one was even here with me to challenge the feeling; but I know what it is like to not be comfortable with one’s own truth. Whatever we are feeling is just that. Lost isn’t so bad when you can acknowledge it. I think a greater problem would reside in the fact of being lost and having no clue. If you are lost for any of the myriads of reasons that I have listed, it’s okay. You can be found. You just have, to be honest with yourself and then ask for help. There are some situations where you won’t be able to be reunited with what you have been separated from because it is a part of life. The beauty of life’s cycle is that you can find love, friendship, kinship, joy and so much more in others and other situations in life. Becoming lost isn’t a problem. Losing something or someone isn’t the problem either, the problem is rooted in the inability to acknowledge that you are lost or have lost someone, something, or more importantly yourself. If you don’t know, how can you ask for the help needed to recalculate your movement or what you need that you may have lost in the process? I am so not the expert on it all; I can admit though that I have allowed people to convince me that it was something wrong with admitting I had lost my way. The only way that your navigation system will set you on the right course is if you tell it that you have the wrong intended destination. If you need direction, stop and ask for help. If you feel misguided go to a source that you know has truth. If you lose something in your house or at work; stop wandering aimlessly when you obviously can’t find what you potentially lost; ask for help!!!! We are such silly people. Someone will come by and say, “Do you need help?”, “What are you looking for?” and our response is nothing…..I am guilty of that, and we are just impeding our own time or that of others when we can just say what we need. I am not saying that we can channel our own way through the resources that we have on our own, I am just simply stating that sometimes we don’t have a clue and that is okay. Our world is full of everything that we need but we seem to think that we should embody and possess all of this on our own and that just isn’t realistic. We won’t have it all, we won’t be able to always have the quick draw of response to keep from landing in a position of the unknown. You will feel a loss, you will get lost, you will lose things, you will lose track of time, you will be separated by the ones you love to death, and you may lose a friend or two. It’s okay. When you acknowledge it, just yell for help. I call on my God, you call on yours….that is in whatever you believe, ask for help. Seek the compass of life and all the answers that are tailor made just for your life. The answers are there. Answers await questions that are inevitable. Keep canvassing…..